After going home, he was fine and returned to his extremely happy ‘pug’ self. But he looked older to me in the next few months and the energy that I had seen in him seemed to diminish — I did nothing — he was eating and drinking water and enjoying his life and his long walks and hanging out.

On August 16th, 2010 I took him to the Vet because I ran out of his topical ear medicine and I knew I had to see a vet to get this prescription. We were laughing as Willie Bean was on the table because he lives for food and was so funny when all of a sudden her voice turned grave. She found a tumor in the back of his mouth and from her experience — she knew this was rotten luck and a moment in time that would change my life forever.

After a biopsy which was taken the next day — the results were my greatest fear — malignant melanoma of the mouth. I knew that this was the monster that had entered him months before and I was devastated from this rotten luck and I had a very difficult time accepting it.

There was so much hope. After seeing an oncologist and surgeon — based on his excellent health (minis the tumor!) and his age — they discovered that the tumor had not reached his tissues or bone and I opted for the surgery in which his partial jaw would be removed. It was. Again, to see that I put him through his first round of suffering — picking him up from the hospital was particularly awful — but after a difficult four days — for at least THREE WEEKS he was back to his original self — even better than when I first discovered that ‘monster’ on the fresh day in May when we returned from the park. He had 3 of the cancer shots in the next month and every time he was examined — he was doing great. Clean margins and a dog in great spirits.

From September 3 to October 31st — a good six weeks he was great.

The last week of October — before his last cancer shot was due in early November — I took an amazing cruise to Canada with my sisters and mother and met my boyfriend right after for a weekend in Boston — and for the first time since August 16th — my ‘dog’ — my love of life — I did not think of him except for the happiness that he was doing so well after the 3 cancer shots.

When I picked him up from my friend’s where he was staying — he was sneezing. I knew instantly something was wrong. My pug never sneezed THIS MUCH AND SO FREQUENTLY. I took him to his regular vet and they thought it was ‘allergies.’ — One week later he had a ‘hot spot’ on his head which he never had and that was shaved off and he was okay. The sneezing never ended and three weeks later — I found lesions in his mouth — white lesions — I took him back the vet.

They were not sure what this was but knew it wasn’t so great. He had yet another biopsy.

The results came back.

The malignant melanoma had returned. In the same place where his jaw was removed and now — in his sinus cavity.

This was at the beginning of December. He had already had the fourth cancer shot at the beginning of November but I am sure by that time the cancer had returned.

He is now on his final days. I have watched a healthy, amazing, silly pug who lives for his friends and food — I must say I have watched him suffer. And I don’t think I can do this anymore. I said no to radiation — this would have been too aggressive for a dog who had already been through so much and I knew the cancer was way too aggressive and had a great chance of coming back.

Since I said no to radiation — he has become thinner, weaker and his mouth has become deeply compromised from what has of course been the growing tumor. But the tragedy has been that for most of this time — his energy to tear down the street and hang out and eat like a ‘pig’ — none of that has changed. He has exhibited shocking mixed signals and I think this must be the hardest cancer.

He will spend a night only on Rimadyl not breathing well and I will watch him with his mouth like a ‘little fish’ taking in air — I will ask myself ‘what am I doing?” — And then in the few times I tried to ‘put him down’ — the shock of his exuberance is so surprising — it would have been impossible for anyone to have taken a dog who had a hard night who RUNS into the Vet’s office wagging his tail and barking and screaming for food and attention.

But now? It has been almost 8 to 9 weeks since the rediagnosis of his cancer — and I am at the end. Last night he didn’t as usual want to come inside — he wanted to taste the wind and the plastic bags on the New York Streets and to chase large dogs and small dogs and to get attention from everyone passing by and to go into all open stores that have always given him little pieces of chicken — but I looked at his face and knew that this was some kind of instinct to get all he could out of life before he leaves it.

What we can learn from the endurance and spirit of our dogs is and will continue to amaze me for the rest of my life.

Willie Bean cannot suffer anymore no matter how many people say “I can’t even tell he’s sick” — he is. And I will miss him in a way that right now is incomprehensible to me. I guess you can say I’m just a dog owner. A dog owner who loves her dog.

For all of you fighting this fight — I do think that there are dogs that can do very well after the fourth cancer shot and then the boosters. The oncologists and the vets had so much hope for Willie Bean. He ‘fit the bill’ after his surgery for the dog who would make it — at least for another year. But the cancer has proven to be too much.

But not for his soul.

p.s. I think one of the hardest things is to not panic at every little thing such as a sneeze or unusual behavior.

Good luck with Joey. He’s putting up a good fight!

My 14.5-year-old black-&-gray male Border Collie (about the same size & fuzziness as Siwa) developed his first suspected Malignant Oral Melanoma growth in December of `08, and had 3 recurrences of increasingly-aggressive cells (the last a full 11 weeks after the last of the primary 4 MOM vaccinations). That one was removed surgically (fortunately no bone removal considered necessary) – followed by 6 rounds of localized radiation to the left 60% of the muzzle. We are now 8 weeks past the last of the radiation, and awaiting results of an antibody `titer’ test to gauge his body’s response to the vaccinations; trying to decide whether the 5th will actually add effectiveness (nearly $600 per shot).

He had some nasty radiation `burns’ and is just now regrowing his snout-fur (all coming in silver-gray).

Joey is more agile & active than I could hope for such a grand old age.