Creative Path Studio: Trish Roque’s blog, studio, and musings on living a purpose-filled life.

I don’t often write about my pets, though my site is full of their pictures. But lately, I’ve felt compelled to write about Siwa, who will be 12 years old in February. She is a very special dog, one who has been with me through a number of life’s pages. Heck, she was with me through every significant relationship I’ve had with the exception of the first. She has been my constant companion since my early 20s, making the trek with me from New Mexico, where she was born and bred.

She has been an avid hiker, like me, since she was a pup. When I arrived in the Bay Area, she was diagnosed with severe arthritis in her elbows. She was four at the time. It didn’t seem to stop her. She would chase cows, squirrels, cats. We ran through the trails of Redwood Park in the Oakland hills. She would always be along exploring the parks of the East Bay with me, just as we had done through the trails of the Sangre de Cristo mountains in New Mexico.

Two weekends ago marked a significant time in both our lives: I started giving her a separate walk on the trails because she is no longer able to keep up on our regular hikes with Sammy, our 4-1/2 year old Border Collie. It takes her about an hour to walk less than a mile.

We spent the New Year’s weekend playing in the snow up in Tahoe. Siwa had to stay behind for the snowshoeing trip, which made me really sad. But after she and I took a walk down the snow-filled road, she looked at me with her big brown eyes as if to say, “It’s ok. I’ve had my fun. I know my limits and I’m good with it.”

It’s really hard to see her slowing down so quickly in the last six months. But every step she takes, she does so with her tail wagging. She moves at her own pace, confident that she will get to where she needs to go in her own time. She is secure in herself, sometimes to the point of being aloof. (She is more like cat than dog in that way.) She is incredibly patient, though she does not hesitate to warn other dogs when they have crossed the line. She will defend herself but she rarely starts the fight. (That would be Sammy!) She is very forgiving, and is quite content to just enjoy her life.

*Sigh* I want to grow old gracefully like her. *Sigh*

(This photo was taken after we hiked a good 3-4 hours in the mountains above Kangaroo Lake in Northen California this past summer. We crossed the Pacific Crest Trail at one point. She plopped on her bed upon our return to the campsite. Jon, Sammy, and I decided to take a dip at the lake, to which Siwa said, “I’m not moving from this spot!” Not bad for an old gal!)

A number of my entries in my media diary center on the theme of making art. (In fact, a number of my entries are the art pieces themselves.) Art and the process of making art (digitally or traditionally) are themes that consistently appear in my life, regardless of whether I’m forced to write in a media diary or not.

What sparked this theme this time have been the images I’ve made for my digital art class. They are images that I’ve worked hard to render the final results for. It has undoubtedly made me ask some questions about the process of making art with a computer and the difference I feel from making art in the traditional, non-digital methods.

These questions have led me to some predictable and some surprising thoughts that I’ve found to ring true for me: (your own experiences may be different…)

1. Making art with a computer is a results-driven process. It is about the final image. This contrasts with what originally drew me to make art initially. Drawing, printmaking, and sculpture are not necessarily about the results (though getting a good image is always a nice bonus) – but about the process itself. Drawing is more about seeing and observing than about getting an exact representation on paper. Sculpture is about playing with mud. And printmaking – well, I just love the smell of ink, the feel of good 100% rag paper, and turning that press.
2. What I see on the computer is NOT always what I get, as in: “Wow that looked sooo good on the monitor but what the heck happened to the mid-range???” It’s a frustrating struggle to reconcile what I see on the monitor with the final 2-dimensional tangible result on paper. I experienced that frustration with my final print project.
3. The marks made with a computer are usually a reflection of the results I am after and a good indication of how well I know the application. The marks made with drawing, painting, and sculpture are usually a reflection of my current state of mind. A confident line is markedly different from a hesitant one.
4. Making art with a computer is usually a solitary process. Contrary to popular stereotypes, there are a number of traditional media that lend themselves to working among peers. Printmaking is a wonderful example. Many printmakers who don’t own their own press will usually join a print studio, where working in a group is common. Camaraderie is what I miss the most. Drawing from life is another example. Most artists will draw with groups and though most of the time is spent concentrating on drawing, those breaks can lead to some pretty interesting conversations. When was the last time you made digital art in a group? (Lab time in class does not count!)
5. It’s much easier to carry a sketch book than a computer regardless of how light the laptop is. Because after all, what happens when the battery dies and there are no electric outlets in the middle of the campground?
6. Computers make me swear. A LOT!
7. I really miss making art the traditional way.

It’s time for that monthly update to let you all know why I only post once a month (if I’m lucky).

Reason Number One:

I took a sculpture class this summer. Yes, on top of every other commitment I’ve made, I decided it was high time to use my hands instead of my computer. First thing I made was an elephant. Of course.

This was followed by the monk’s head, which evolved from the difficulty I was having in making decent eyes and eyeballs. I thought, why not solve that problem by closing them lids!

Reason Number Two:

In addition to working almost full-time at the University, I continue to remain busy as a contractor for Masterpiece Manager. I’ve been working on a wonderful project with an awesome client. Once that site is done, I shall plug that site continuously as it is truly a beautiful site. I also have another pending project that I hope to complete soon.

Reason Number Three:

I was busy applying to Cal State University East Bay’s Multimedia Program, to which I was accepted! So if I thought I was busy now. . . I am so excited to learn more and actually make websites come alive with audio, video, and cool things like interactivity. And I hope to expand my repertoire beyond websites. I’m so looking forward to it!

Reason Number Four:

(I just really wanted to put their pictures up.)

Jon and I are off to a long camping trip this week, then off to beautiful Lake Faucherie for my birthday!

Robert Fritz writes in his book, Creating:

It doesn’t matter what you think of yourself, and what you think of yourself will have no impact on your creative process.

He continues:

A focus on self-esteem can actually hold people back from being effective at creating what they want…

…Is it useful to discover what you think of yourself? Perhaps. Do you need to work on your opinion of yourself? NO. Will you hold yourself back if you do not entirely like yourself? NO. Is it wise to pursue self-esteem training or self-enhancement techniques? NO. In fact those practices may even work against you because they can drive your focus more and more inward. This makes it harder for you to create what you want to create. Since you are not your creations, what real difference does your self-opinion make in the creative process? NONE, SINCE YOU ARE SEPARATE FROM YOUR CREATIONS.”

On separation:

You are separate from the raw materials of your life, which includes your circumstances, your expereiences, your feelings, your opinions, your desires, your past, and your present. Your life is like a work in progress, but it will be hard to move with the same ease in your life that painters have, as they move toward and away from their canvases with their brushes loaded with paint, if you can only stand close to yourself. Most people stand so close to themselves that they often confuse who they are with what they have done, are doing, or might do in the future.

That’s me. Guilty as charged.

I’ve spent most of my time in the Bay Area fighting the urge to define my life based on my job (or lack thereof at times), or my career (or lack thereof at times), or my possessions (or lack thereof at times).

I have forgotten more often than I care to admit that I am not my job. I am not my career, nor my salary (or lack thereof at times). I ask myself often why it is that I have lost my sense of self here in California, and yet when I lived in New Mexico with very little money and possesions, I felt more sure of myself.

And yet, Robert Fritz says in his book: “It doesn’t matter.”

Oddly enough, not only do I have to agree, but I feel strangely liberated.

A Mixed Bag

The apprenticeship has been an interesting mix of fulfillment and challenges. On the one hand, I’ve really enjoyed working with and being in close proximity to the animals. On the other hand, zookeeping is physically demanding. I’m constantly on my feet, cleaning, feeding, herding, moving hay and straw, and in general, going non-stop all day long. I come home with little energy to do much else.

This particular apprenticeship program is suited for those who are looking to gain first-hand experience of zookeeping, and ultimately, a career change. These first few weeks have made me realize that I do not wish to become a zookeeper. (I really do enjoy making websites!)

If anything, I’ve gained an appreciation for what zoos and their keepers do for the animals. It’s not easy making a living as a zookeeper in the Bay Area, and certainly, most who work at the zoo do not do this for the money. These keepers are following their calling - their path in life. I’m all for that!

Finding balance has been difficult

Since starting my apprenticeship almost 4 weeks ago, juggling responsibilities for my various activities has been challenging. I work at a “regular job” 4 days a week. My freelance work continues to grow and I find it necessary to spend evenings and weekends focusing on these projects. And, up until recently I was putting in 16 hours per week at the zoo.

I’m not superwoman nor do I want to be. I was forced to look at my responsibilities and prioritize, especially because I was no longer enjoying much of anything. In essence, I was juggling 3 jobs. I had to look very closely at my goals and found that having a balanced life was very important.

I have since made arrangements to cut my apprenticeship time to 8 hours per week, with an increase in the overall duration of time that I am at the zoo. Life feels more sane!

This site is really about the ability to realize my dreams - to think about the possibilities, ALL the possibilities and then to see what happens when I focus my energies toward realizing these possibilities.

In many ways, Creative Path Studio was a long time coming. I have been thinking about creating a business for while now - to create my own path in life. There’s so much more I want to do and the creation of this site, this business, this experiment, is the vehicle to allow me to do that.

I should not be surprised that my goals for this business are coming to fruition. I have other goals that I need to articulate. Writing them down forces me to think about the path I need to take to get there.

Some of my goals include:

• creating Word Press themes and sharing them
• create a site for santafe-etching.com
• interview artists and designers (I have several folks in mind)
• become an Illustrator and Photoshop guru
• draw, draw, draw
• continue to think BIG, and to think of all the possibilities
• find the balance and really enjoy life

Creative Path Studio is just as much about experimentation as it is about creativity. It is about living a life worth living.

My apprenticeship began this week, and although I will not be working with the elephants, as I originally hoped, I am not disappointed.

I’ve been assigned to String 7, where I work with goats, sheep, pigs, rabbits, tropical birds, and lemurs. I spent my first weekend familiarizing myself with the daily chores of the zookeeper: preparing diets (i.e. chopping veggies & fruit), cleaning enclosures, observing the animals for general health, and getting a glimpse of the individual personalities of these critters.

For instance, I’ve learned first hand that Felix the goat does not particularly care for women. He let me know by head-butting me the first day. So now, I don’t turn my back on him. Then there’s Joanna and her buddy, Polly, the Vietnamese pot-bellied pigs. They are both old, grumpy ladies, and they are nice to you if you have a bowl of food in your hands. Otherwise, well… suffice to say you better have a bowl in your hand.

Then, there are the sweet, adorable lemurs. I’m slowly learning to differentiate among the lemurs, but Chester is one I can’t miss. He’s hormonally challenged and has a pair of man-boobs. He’s a favorite among the zookeepers because he’s a sweetheart - and, well, he’s kind of amusing to watch.

He sits there, usually on his haunches, comfortably resting his arms on his “arm holders”.The photo on the right is not the best because I did not want to get too close to him and startle him. I’m in their space and I need to respect that.

But this is what I love most about these lemurs: they are sun-worshippers, just like me. Look at them:

They apparently follow the path of the sun along the ledge, and sit worshipping all day long.

It’s been an interesting start so far. Once I get the routine down, I’ll have more time to focus on the required project. It will probably include some kind of enrichment for the lemurs, since I am finding myself drawn to them.

Stay tuned for more…

I’ve applied for and been accepted into the Oakland Zoo apprenticeship!! Yay!

What does this mean exactly?

An apprentice is really an intern, except I’m not in school, and I must continue to work for a living. Starting in January, I will be at the zoo during Fridays and weekends, working with and learning from the zookeepers and the various animals under their care.

Though I wasn’t assigned my first choice (the elephants - but as a friend said - nobody STARTS with the elephants!) I’ll be working with lemurs, goats, parrots, rabbits, AND pot-bellied pigs!! I am very excited!

I don’t know where this will lead me.

In many ways, this apprenticeship will be about exploring and learning. I’ve always loved animals and this opportunity will provide me with the chance to discover how much I wish to turn this love into a living. Or maybe I’ll discover a nice balance among all the various interests in my life, including blogging, drawing, web design, and taking care of critters!

Alas, Thanksgiving is here, and though I am in a current state of busy-ness, I have to remember all the good things I’m thankful for.

For starters, I have a wonderful honey with whom I share a beautiful home in a very social neighborhood in Oakland. We have a house full of fur - er, critters who in their own unique ways, provide us with much entertainment.

Creative Path Studio was launched as a direct manifestation of my intention and desire to live an authentic and purpose-filled life. I’m still in the process of defining my purpose but I am getting closer.

Additionally, I’ve officially registered Creative Path Studio as a business in Alameda County. So far, the main focus of the business has been freelance design but I see myself branching out at some point.

Design design design!

I’ve been a bit negligent of my blog because of two freelance design projects that had deadlines this week. It was a bit of a challenge but I got them done. Well, I should clarify that they’re almost done.

One of the projects is Brock Art Studio, the website of my friend & artist, Jeff Brock.

This is a CSS-based table-less design, which may mean absolutely nothing to most people out there, but for web designers, CSS is THE standard for design.

Overall, I am happy with the site, but more importantly, so is Jeff. It’s a work in progress… (of course)

Jeff also happens to be married to one of my favorite people, Star Liana York, a Santa Fe based sculptor with whom I worked for when I lived in New Mexico. She is one of the most talented, nicest, down-to-earth people one could ever meet.

And yes, I also designed Star’s website. Star’s site happened to bring me the other project I’ve been working on, a site for a gallery using the same backend Masterpiece database that Star’s site uses.

The Gallery at Hawthorne contacted me through my link on Star’s website. After talking about their needs and wants for the project, I gave them an estimate, and well, the rest is history.

Again, this was a table-less design. Go CSS!!

Goodbye Troquevision.com!

It is the end of an era. This week, I let my troquevision.com hosting account expire. It was a good site, one that I used to experiment and learn about website design and development. As it was, the site was really just a web album for familly and friends to peruse through. Regardless, it was a fun place to explore.

I’ve been thinking about writing this post for quite a while now but procrastination seemed easier. It’s a tough topic for me to write about because it’s a quest that I take to heart. The search gets tiring, and sometimes, I just don’t have the energy.

What is my bliss?

I’ve been on this quest since the day I promised myself that I would not work just for money. I remember that evening quite well, even though it was over 20 years ago.

I was watching the PBS series on Joseph Campbell’s The Power of Myth with Bill Moyers. I was in high school, maybe sixteen years old at the time.

I was completely drawn into the messages Joseph Campbell gleaned from decades of research on the various mythological stories of the hero and the hero’s journey. The one message (and he had many) that hit me in that space of absolute knowing power was this: “Follow your bliss.“

From that evening forward, I was determined to live my life with passion, to follow my bliss. What did not occur to me at the time was that finding my bliss was the first critical step. I assumed I knew what it was — that is, to be an artist.

I thought, “I don’t know whether my consciousness is proper consciousness or not; I don’t know whether what I know of my being is my proper being or not; but I do know where my rapture is. So let me hang on to rapture, and that will bring me both my consciousness and my being.”

–Joseph Campbell

I tried it and the rapture was, well, inconsistent…

After four years of college, I moved to Santa Fe, New Mexico, where I followed what I though was my bliss for six years. I loved living in New Mexico - I loved the simplicity of my life, I loved the landscape, I loved the serenity I found, I loved the people I met. And most of the time, I loved making art. But I did not feel the rapture.

There were also times when I felt the rapture with other endeavors - for instance, when I hiked the wilderness with my canine companions. There was nothing that compared to the feeling of being atop that 12,000-feet high Mt. Baldy, just BEING with the mountain, the sky, the wind, the sun, and my dogs.

Yet it is important to note that following one’s bliss, as Campbell saw it, isn’t merely a matter of doing whatever you like, and certainly not doing simply as you are told. It is a matter of identifying that pursuit which you are truly passionate about and attempting to give yourself absolutely to it. In so doing, you will find your fullest potential and serve your community to the greatest possible extent.

–Joseph Campbell Foundation website

After determining that art-making was really not my life’s calling, I packed my Toyota, and at that point, my one dog Siwa (beautiful Smokie had passed away), and headed further west to California.

Getting lost and finding my way back

After arriving in the Bay Area, I found myself in a situation that I promised I would never put myself in - to take a job just for the money. I suppose I didn’t have a choice at the time, given that I had rent of $1,000 per month and credit card bills that funded my move. Regardless, I did not make it to a year at the job. I had to quit because the job was killing my spirit.

Forward to five years later, on the eve of my sixth anniversary in the Bay Area, and my search for meaningful work, my bliss, continues.

While I enjoy my current occupation of freelance designer and part-time webmaster at a university department, I KNOW that I do not feel the rapture. I continue to hike in the East Bay hills, and though these parks are quite beautiful and serene, I do not feel that same sense of BEING that I felt in the high mountains of Santa Fe. No rapture there.

However, these hills provide me with the quiet and solitude that I need to listen. It has been a challenging six years in the Bay Area, and only recently have I heard my inner voice again. I believe I am slowly finding my way back from being lost…

Continuing the search for meaningful work

I believe my story is more common than it is rare. It is the fortunate individual who knows from a very early age what his or her calling is. And I mean, truly knows — from the depths of their inner being. I can honestly say that I did not know what I would be when I grew up. Like many ten-year olds, I had a range of responses, from astronaut to pilot to veterinarian.

At 34, I continue my search.

While I don’t necessarily prescribe to Steve Pavlina’s method of finding my life purpose, I have recently been moved to tears by issues involving animals and wildlife. I felt that tug, that feeling in my gut that I’ve been called to action.

I am in the process of acting upon this feeling. I will share more once I see results.

Why not art?

I find it somewhat ironic that I’ve been enjoying my art class so much, yet, I do not feel that it is my bliss. For me, art-making is merely, for me.

I derive great pleasure in interacting with other sentient beings, preferably, the non-human kind (and I don’t mean computers!). I think it is my need for this interaction that prevents art-making from feeling blissful.

Anyone who knows me knows how much I love animals. Perhaps I can turn that love into a life of following my bliss!